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Discernment

The path forward isn’t always clear

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Discernment Counseling is a short-term process designed for couples who find themselves uncertain about the future of their relationship. Often, one partner is considering separation or divorce while the other hopes to preserve the relationship. This approach provides a structured and supportive space to gain clarity and confidence about the next steps.

Rather than focusing on solving relationship problems immediately, Discernment Counseling helps couples better understand how they arrived at this point, identify each partner's contributions to the current challenges, and explore possible paths forward.

The goal is not to persuade couples to stay together or separate, but to help them make a thoughtful, informed decision with greater understanding, compassion, and confidence. Whether the outcome is reconciliation or separation, Discernment Counseling aims to reduce uncertainty and help couples move forward with clarity and intention.

Choose a Path

The goal of discernment counseling is to aid couples in evaluating their desired path forward based on three available options:

  1. Maintaining the status quo

  2. Pursuing separation or divorce

  3. Committing to an intensive course of couples therapy

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Frequently Asked Questions

  • Discernment Counseling is designed for couples who are uncertain about whether they want to continue the relationship. The goal is not to improve the relationship itself, but to help couples gain clarity about their future and decide on a path forward.

    Couples Therapy, on the other hand, begins with the assumption that both partners are willing to work on the relationship. The goal is to strengthen the partnership by improving communication, addressing conflict, rebuilding trust, increasing connection, and creating lasting positive change.

  • Discernment is intended for mixed agenda couples. This means that one partner is “leaning in” to the relationship and is interested in pursing therapy and repair. Meanwhile the other partner is “leaning out” of the relationship and is either ambivalent about the relationship and/or contemplating divorce.

  • Couples therapy is most effective when both partners are committed to working on the relationship and share a goal of improving it. However, when one or both partners are uncertain about whether they want to remain in the relationship, traditional couples therapy can feel premature, frustrating, or even unproductive.

    Discernment Counseling is not a substitute for couples therapy—it is a decision-making process that helps couples determine whether couples therapy is the right next step.

  • The initial commitment for the couple is simply the first session. During this session, each person decides separately if they would like one more session. The process continues until the goal is reached, up to a maximum of five sessions.

  • The goal is clarity and confidence in a direction for the marriage, based on a deeper understanding of what has happened to the marriage and each person's contributions to the problems.